The Legendary City of Antwerp
In the days of old, there once lived a horrible giant that terrorized all of the Flemish province to include the land that the legendary city of Antwerp rests upon today. The giant, named Antigoon, made his home along the Scheldt River and demanded a toll from all those who desired to cross over its waterway. If anybody encountering the giant was unable to render payment in full, Antigoon would sever one of their hands and toss it straight into the river. For years, the giant guarded the only bridge leading in and out of the city. The local people, many of them amputees, were powerless to drive him away. Even the battle-hardened Roman legionaries in the area dared not challenge the monster; they would rather lose a few coins than lose a hand that carries a sword. The situation eventually became so dire that the Scheldt River was said to contain more hands than it did fishes.
One glorious day, a brave young soldier named Silvius Brabo mustered up enough courage to confront Antigoon. He had grown tired of giving the great beast his meager wages each time he wanted to cross the river to visit the city. You see, the young lad had found his true love in the legendary city of Antwerp and he vowed to put an end to this giant’s savagery once and for all. (more…)
Posted in Tall Tales and Big Fish Stories, Adventurous Places, Europe and tagged Antwerp, Belgium, Europe by Big John with no comments yet.
LIfe is Good When You’re the King of Bruges
I am the undisputed King of Bruges but I used to be a run-of-the-mill, regular Joe just like the rest of you. I did all my extensive shopping at Walmart; got my six-dollar haircuts at Super Clips; and spent my annual vacations at the Shady Palms Motel, conveniently located only a breezy twenty-minute walk from the beach. I’ve never owned multiple properties (or any property not on cinder-blocks for that matter); I’ve never mingled with celebrities; and I’ve certainly never claimed to come from any line of royalty. I was an ordinary Andy, trying to do my best just to survive that daily grind. This would have been the sad and mundane story of my life, had not a simple DNA testing kit changed everything.
The kit that changed everything.
When my wife told me she picked up something intimate and personal for my 45th birthday, I was thinking Victoria’s Secret for sure. Every woman knows that there’s no greater gift than to dazzle her man in something made of satin and lace. Well, apparently in my wife’s inner-circle, she was never privy to such valuable information. In my wife’s inner circle, the very best birthday gifts are those that you never knew you wanted. So, you can only imagine my feigned excitement and very real surprise when I unwrapped a DNA testing kit called 23andMe. Honestly though, it was a thoughtful and unique gift. Had I known that I would soon be filling a large vial with spit, I just would’ve eaten less chocolate and Doritos prior to opening it. (more…)
Posted in Adventurous Places, Europe, Tall Tales and Big Fish Stories and tagged Belgium, Bruges by Big John with 1 comment.