Snowboarding Carnage and Mayhem at Cataloochee Ski
First things first: While I pride myself at being a pretty good skier, I am possibly the world’s worst snowboarder to ever grace the slopes. I am not kidding. Last weekend, Rebecca and I decided to embark on a ninety minute drive to Cataloochee Ski Area in Maggie Valley, NC. For those of you not familiar with Maggie Valley, it is a charming little town in the Smoky Mountains between Asheville, NC and the Cherokee Indian Reservation.
Maggie Mountaineer Craft Store, near Cataloochee Ski resort in Maggie Valley, NC
To shed some light on the town’s more shadier past, there are a couple of infamous characters who at one time called Maggie Valley their home. The first was local boogeyman and mass murderer, Peter Lundin. The second was local hero and renown moonshiner, Marvin “Popcorn” Sutton. Both are gone now. The first is serving a life sentence in a Denmark prison and the second tragically took his own life to avoid being locked away. (more…)
Posted in Adventurous Places, North America, Tall Tales and Big Fish Stories and tagged cataloochee ski, North Carolina by Big John with 2 comments.
From Merry Old England with Love
CLASSIFIED:
Living the life of a secret agent and international man of mystery is rarely easy in merry old England. I was inside my Godmanchester home, enjoying a nice peaceful day of rest, when an urgent coded message arrived by carrier pigeon at my garden window.
Agent 008: The panther has been spotted sipping wine at the Old Bridge Hotel. Make contact with her, establish trust, find out what dastardly schemes she has up her sleeve, and detain her for further questioning before she can carry out her plot. Exercise extreme caution as she is considered armed and dangerous.
My home for a year in Godmanchester, Cambridgeshire, England
The Panther was an infamous jewel thief and highly trained assassin. She would not fall easily. I would have to outsmart her with my wit, charm, and ruggedly handsome good looks in order to prevent from compromising the mission. I splashed on my most irresistible secret agent aftershave, jumped into my ever-faithful Rover 45, and raced to the Old Bridge Hotel in record time.
(more…)Posted in Adventurous Places, Europe, Great Dining, Tall Tales and Big Fish Stories and tagged Godmanchester, London, merry old england, York by Big John with 3 comments.
Boxing Gloves and Kangaroo Dreams
The Aboriginals believed that if you ever dream about getting attacked by a kangaroo then your reputation is in great peril. I thought about that before deciding to tell this story; but since I lost my reputation after making out with this girl named Porkchop in the eleventh grade, I think this one can be safely told.
Origins of Kangaroo Dreams
Awhile back, Rebecca and I were feeling rather adventurous so we decided to go to Saskatoon Restaurant for some wild and exotic game. Saskatoon is an amazing culinary emprise where any manner of fowl or beast is afforded an equal opportunity to make an appearance on your dinner plate. (more…)
Posted in Great Dining, Scattered Thoughts, Tall Tales and Big Fish Stories and tagged kangaroo dreams by Big John with 9 comments.
Wisdom of the Wombat
The wombat is perhaps the most misunderstood creature in all of existence. Contrary to popular belief, this oddity of nature is neither a womba nor is it a bat. The so-called experts define the critter as a quadruped marsupial; but I doubt any of these so-called experts have ever been abducted by a clan of them, and then forced into hard labor deep within the subterranean turnip fields of Tasmania.
Map of wombat controlled areas in 2015 (Classified: Top Secret; CIA)
Like the kangaroo, wombats have a pouch in which to carry their young. Unlike the kangaroo, these mammal’s pouches are located on their backs. This unique feature makes the creature an incredibly adept smuggler whom should be considered especially dangerous when boarding a plane alongside you. (more…)
Posted in Australia, Tall Tales and Big Fish Stories and tagged Australia, Tasmania, wombat by Big John with 2 comments.
How to Travel Europe on a Dime…or Less
People are always coming up to me and asking, “Hey Big John, how can I see Europe on the cheap?” and “What’s the best way to travel Europe on a dime?” and “Why are you so ruggedly handsome?” Okay, so nobody’s ever actually asked me any of that stuff; but if they did, I would have a thing or two say about it!
Big John knows about traveling cheap in Europe and really making that dollar stretch! But you don’t have to take my word for it. I was only voted the number one travel consultant in the entire industry by Frugal Travel Guru magazine (it’s one of those lesser known publications). Because you are all such loyal readers, I’ve compiled a never-before-seen list of my most cost-effective strategies to travel Europe on a dime. I would ordinarily charge thousands of dollars for this information but today I’m giving it to you absolutely free! (more…)
Posted in Europe, Tall Tales and Big Fish Stories, Travel Tips and tagged travel europe on a dime by Big John with 7 comments.